Tuesday, January 3, 2017

I Bought a Shark Statue and Now I Can Die

Ever wondered what a shark statue would look like? ME TOO. But not anymore. Because now I'm the proud owner of a metallic shark mantel piece. On New Year's, he's going to wear a top hat. His name is Bartholomew. Doesn't it look like that would mean that he meows? MAYBE HE DOES. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility of a metallic shark statue.

Bored? Here's a list of 5 things one can do with a metallic shark statue in case you buy one and if you do, tell me because I think we desperately need to hang out and also please be my friend.

5.) Put a top hat on it. It's self-explanatory.

4.) Chase your dog around your apartment with it when she won't stop chewing on your candles. Worry a bit that candles are bad for dogs. Worry more that heart attacks from metallic shark chases are worse for dogs.

3.) Use it as a serving plate when people who wouldn't appreciate that you are serving them cheese from a shark come over. Those people are the ones who really need to eat cheese from the back of a metallic shark.

2.) Argue relentless with your metallic shark, loud enough for your neighbors to hear and then when you see them later tell them "Barty, your fake shark friend" wouldn't drop his point about male leads in musicals and never worry about having to invite them over for parties again! Because they won't come.


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